I (26F) recently started a new job and learned that one of my coworkers, “Marie,” is engaged and getting married in two months. It seemed like most of the office was attending the wedding, which I completely understood—I never expected an invitation since I’ve just started working here. Weddings take time to plan, and Marie and I aren’t close. I could tell she was unsure about bringing up the wedding around me, but I made it clear it wasn’t an issue.
Then, I was CC’d on an email from “Joan,” who was organizing a bridal shower for Marie in the office breakroom during lunch. She asked for contributions toward a group gift (cash) and suggested a potluck. Joan included her Venmo for donations and requested that we email back with what we’d bring. Even though I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I still wanted to celebrate Marie, so I sent $20 and volunteered to bring lasagna.
Later, I noticed the money had been refunded, and Joan came over to my desk. She said I didn’t need to contribute. I told her I still wanted to give Marie something, even if I wasn’t attending the wedding. Joan seemed uncomfortable, then finally said, “You’re not invited to the shower.”
I was confused. I asked, “I can’t go into the breakroom during lunch?” She confirmed I couldn’t. I asked where I was supposed to go instead, since I take public transportation and there aren’t many places nearby. She said I could just stay at my desk. I pointed out that this felt exclusionary. Joan explained that Marie didn’t want me to assume I was invited to the wedding. I assured her I had no such expectation, but she still insisted I couldn’t come. I even asked if I had done something to offend Marie, and Joan said no—it was just about “not getting my hopes up.”
At that point, I dropped it and told them to enjoy the party. When the day arrived, I stayed at my desk alone while everyone else attended the shower. One kind coworker brought me a piece of cake.
Midway through the event, our department head—who normally doesn’t work Fridays—unexpectedly stopped by. She saw me sitting alone and asked why I wasn’t at the celebration. I simply told her I wasn’t invited. She seemed displeased. Later, she sent out an email banning all parties during work hours.
Now, Joan and Marie (and a few others) are upset with me. Some of my friends think I should have covered for them and told my boss I was busy with work, so I wouldn’t ruin future events for everyone.
Was I wrong here? AITA #aita #r/aita
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