I’m a 33-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, also 33, and I have been together for ten years. Today is my birthday, but he didn’t get me a present or a card, and I’m feeling really hurt. ( Need Couple Therapy?)
He also didn’t give me anything for Christmas, saying something was “on the way,” and he used the same excuse today. Meanwhile, I always go out of my way for him—I bake a cake, make a card, buy thoughtful gifts, decorate with balloons, and make sure his birthday feels special. I do the same for Christmas.
He’s aware that I love receiving cards and enjoy making my birthday feel unique, but he didn’t make any effort. I feel lonely and unappreciated. I know I could do something for myself, but it wouldn’t feel the same.
When he saw me crying, he seemed irritated and asked why I was upset. He said birthdays aren’t significant as we get older and treats his like any other day. But I still feel hurt.
I’m currently in therapy, and my therapist has pointed out that I’m codependent—I tend to do a lot for him, and he doesn’t really value it. I also enable a lot of his behavior, and lately, I’ve been questioning everything.
I don’t know if I’m just being overly emotional or if it’s reasonable to feel upset that, after a decade together, he couldn’t put in any effort to make my birthday special. I simply wanted a day that felt meaningful.
How can I express my feelings to him without making him upset or seeming self-centered for expecting a gift or a card? Or am I being unreasonable and asking for too much?
Need couple therapy?
Couples therapy could help, especially since you’re already reflecting on your relationship. If you feel unheard or unappreciated, a therapist can guide a productive conversation.
The key is whether your boyfriend is willing to work on things with you. Therapy only helps if both partners are open to change. If he dismisses your feelings, that might be a bigger issue.
Have you had an honest talk with him about how his lack of effort makes you feel? His response could help you decide if therapy—or a deeper relationship reevaluation—is needed.
You should find marriage counseling near you by searching on google. For example you can write as: “‘marriage counseling near me'” or you can do as “‘relationship counseling near me'”.
You can also find many good online couples therapy specialists out there. Who will definitely give you BetterHelp.
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Online relationship therapy|Online couples therapy|Couple therapy |Marriage counseling |Relationship | Relationship advice | Cheating in a Relationship|Couples Counseling and Relationship Counseling.
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